Why looking for a job sucks as much as dating

I haven’t been single for almost 5 years and I’m pretty happy about it. I love my partner, we have a nice life together, support each other and in general, he’s my best friend. It’s not that I was unhappy being single before, it’s just the whole dating process was so…tiring.

I would go out on several fun dates, paint the town red and have fun. Then those pesky feelings would get in the way.

Does he like me?

Is he going to call me back?

OMG, I texted him three times, am I needy?

I would analyze every bit of conversation with my girlfriends to detect any revealing information.  I would go on and on about everything and wonder, what’s the next step.

Online dating was the worst. Pic for pic? Ugh, I’ll be happy if I never see that phrase again.  I remember falling in love with several online ads, imagining what awesome stranger was on the other side. I’d send my cute photo, out into the unknown. Of course, he’ll respond, right? I sent a witty, intellectually stimulating response with a cute photo.

Silence.

crickets chirp

The feeling of shame and loneliness that follows a no-response-after-photo, is so incredibly awful. You realize how shallow people really are. If you don’t fit their ‘idea’ of who they thought you were, it’s over. And you don’t get a say in it.

I feel like looking for a job, and the interviewing process is a lot like dating. It sucks. Except with interviews, there are no free drinks, dinners and the power is definitely on the side of the interviewer.

I’ve had about 30 interviews in the past year and a half and have learned so much from this crazy process.  Many of those interviews went really well, but clearly they didn’t work out, mostly because they ended up hiring someone internally or went with someone with more experience.

The most frustrating part so far has been when an interview goes really really well. I DO get a second interview, maybe even a third, or fourth. And then I wait….and then I hear nothing. I’m thinking of the interview I had 2.5 weeks ago. It was a THREE HOUR interview, with three different people, with incredibly difficult situational questions. All of my friends agreed they would have no clue how to answer the questions these people threw at me, but I responded from my experiences in my previous job, with grace and professionalism. I felt like I was talking to my friends…it was comfortable, nice and we clicked. They told me they were going to get back to me by the end of the week, which was a week and half ago already. At first I was doing pretty well with writing the whole situation off after I didn’t hear from them.  Then, I started getting frustrated. I spent 4 hours (1^st and 2^nd interview) of my life getting grilled and I can’t even get a formal rejection?

Then the crazy speak starts:

It went so well. I did everything right. Did I imagine that?

We clicked, I thought it was a real connection. Is there someone else?

Some people have tried to be positive and say ‘sometimes these things take longer than expected’. But to be frank, I’m over waiting on this one.  I even followed up with an email late last week and haven’t heard a peep. After all these interviews, putting myself out there and jumping through hoops, I am so over it. The thing is, when I was tired of going on bad dates, or getting rejected, I stopped dating. I didn’t need to date, it was a means to an end and something to fill the time. However, I can’t stop looking for a job. If I am out of the game, I lose. If I stop, I definitely won’t get a job. I don’t know what else to do to revitalize my search efforts. I don’t know the meaning of ‘stay positive’ or ‘it will work out’. I know I sound like a negative nancy but it’s how I feel.

It’s nice to know that I have gotten so many interviews and that I’m getting noticed. But I am not sure if the probability of me getting a job goes up with more interviews. I just need that one good interview for the right job, and I’m done. Just like dating, you need just one good date to form a relationship.

I was talking to my friend about my frustrations and my comparison of looking for a job to dating. He said, ‘well if you think it’s like dating, then a job will come when you least expect it’. Ugh. He’s so right. I found my partner when I threw in the towel and was done going on dates. At the time I was bitter, but I agreed to go on one more date, a blind date at that, that was set up by my friend…and almost 5 years later we are still together.

I hope I can have an awesome story like that about my next career. In the meantime, I will keep on trying (to preserve my sanity).  Any tips on keeping yourself motivated when you just want to give up?