Side Hustles vs. Relationships

The other day I got a gig offer. $20/hr to hand out flyers at a stadium. The job was stupidly easy and it would be $120 in my pocket. I’ve mentioned in my Side Hustle post, that I’ve worked as a Brand Ambassador. As an extrovert, I find it really easy to talk to people, especially because there is no selling involved.

However, when I got this gig offer, I had just come off the heels of WDS, which consumed my whole weekend (in a good way). I barely saw my partner at all over the weekend, and last week our schedules were exactly opposite. He is a musician, and I am a non-profiter, so sometimes we are two ships passing in the night. The night of the gig we planned to have a ‘make dinner and watch a movie’ date. I was really looking forward to relaxing and spending some quality time with him.

I deliberated long and hard. What would make me feel better? I wish I could say the answer was easy. Having $120 would feel good now, but spending the evening with my partner would feel good now and later. Also, the shift would go until midnight and I had to work at 8am the next day.  I decided to say ‘no’ to the gig. I felt like I did the right thing immediately afterward, however I felt a knot in my stomach for the rest of the day.

I said no. I said no to money. It is not in my DNA to say no to money, especially when I am in aggressive-debt-payoff mode. But I was starting to feel like I was missing those precious moments with my partner. Those moments that validate why we are together, and why we are best friends. Lately I leave when he is sleeping and he comes home, when I’ve already gone to bed. Our conversations have been short, need-to-know nuggets of information. In the end, I feel like I made the right decision. It’s a hard balance to pursue your side-hustles, when you have a relationship/family/pet/(insert whatever). Part of me wants to devour money and make it my own, so I can feel like I am in control. The other part of me, realizes there are only so many moments in life, and you can’t take money with you when you go.

How do you find balance in your side hustles vs. relationships/family, etc?

P.S. I’ve decided that I don’t want to give up my blog, but I want to write about a lot of things. Money, relationships, travel, art, culture and more. If you’ve been reading my blog, you know it’s more personal than finance anyways. I am still thinking of how I want to move forward with this change. For now, I’ll keep blogging here, but in the future I might be making a change. Thanks for reading!

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24 responses to “Side Hustles vs. Relationships

  1. It was good to see you this weekend! Can’t wait to hang out sometime!

    Boy, do I EVER know what you are talking about! The past year or two have been so crazy for me because of having this long, expensive trip coming up in Jan/Feb. For me, I’m working a ton of side hustles to help pay for it. I sometimes work long hours and am away from home for long amounts of time, but I just keep telling myself it’s temporary. This is the time period of giving up experiences and things that I would really, really like to do because I am going to have the adventure of a lifetime. Also, whatever money that I still need to pay my balance on this trip that I haven’t saved up is coming straight from my stock fund and I reaaaaalllllyyyy don’t want to touch it, so I’m doing everything I can to make that not happen!

    But, yes, it sucks sometimes. Sometimes I just want to buy something and not have to furiously think about it. I realized yesterday that I only have a scant number of weekends through the rest of the year that aren’t booked with work. I already work 40 hours a week at my main job, so all of this side hustleage really adds into taking a lot of time.

    Okay, no more giant novella of a comment. Just, I know what you’re saying, girl! (And next time you say no to something pass my name along, ha ha ha!! ;o)

    • Wow, girl, you are going hard. You have to take some time for yourself too, but your trip sounds amazing. It is temporary and is worth it. I tell myself that too, except my date free date is still several years away. I can refer you as well 🙂

      • Yeah, if my day where I was debt free was years away I would feel okay being a little more lax in turning stuff down, but since I would like to have everything paid for as much as possible by the end of December, I am in crunch mode! You have sparked me to write a blog about this. I’ve been doing more thinking!

  2. I’ve turned down certain gigs to maintain my sanity and not have every moment in time booked up. I also got a knot in my stomach, and felt guilty, like “what if this opportunity never comes up again?” It usually does in some way. If you don’t have good relationships in your life, you are suffering. It’s not always worth it.

    • Yeah, it always feels like it will be the last, but something usually comes along later. Sanity and health is so important, so I take each gig offer on a case by case basis, though I rarely so ‘no’!

  3. I’ve been turning down a lot of smaller gigs. The money has to be worthwhile for my time, or I know I won’t be happy.

    And do whatever you want with your blog! Lately, my main blog Making Sense of Cents has just been whatever I feel like talking about.

  4. “In the end, I feel like I made the right decision” – I think that pretty much sums it up! I agree keeping your relationships with loved ones strong are important, so I think you made the right choice. So glad to hear you’re going to keep blogging. 🙂

  5. It seems like side hustles, freelancing, and work/life balance are popular topics today in the PF blogosphere. There were so many stretches of time when me and my HB would only see each other when the other person eventually came to bed. It’s hard saying no to money but I think it’s important to keep perspective and if you don’t immediately need the cash then it’s ok to say no sometimes.

    • That’s a hard thing to decipher–do I need the money immediately to survive? No. Do I need it to pay off debt? YES. I rarely say no, so this would a good chance to relax and be with him. Only seeing your partner when they go to bed is hard!

  6. Paying off debt is very important. But for myself personally, having a debt-free life won’t tell me he loves me 🙂 It seems like you made the right decision girl. I think you can still move forward with this blog and talk about anything you wish. Girl Meets Debt is only 10% personal finance but I still think that’s OK 🙂

  7. Totally been there and “done that”. I still have a hard time saying no to side hustles. I would have gotten double overtime if I worked during hurricane Sandy. I thought about it long and hard and decided it wasn’t worth it (what if I got stuck at work and there was an emergency at home?). I stayed at home with bf and the dog and felt fine afterwards.

    • Wow, I definitely think you made the right decision. That’s a tough one though! But I’d be nervous to work during a hurricane and would want to be with my loved ones.

  8. I was actually just thinking about this last week when I almost turned down going to a wedding with my boyfriend because of sheer exhaustion. With a business and two side hustles, I work more than I sleep.

    Seeing the look of disappointment was the wakeup call I needed to see that I was doing a horrible job of balancing. Like you, I’ve turned down a few clients this week, which was so HARD to do but worth it.

    • Yeah, when you really start disappointing family/friends/loved ones is when it really hits home. It’s like, OK what am I doing? I have one life!

  9. I think you made the right choice and with blogging side hustles, work and relationships you have to find balance. I put in a lot of hours I mean a lot. But I make it work and I always put family first. Sometimes it means passing up on things and other times it means me not getting sleep to get things done. I like to get up before everyone and usually stay up after everyone goes to bed.

    As for as your site remember its YOUR site. Do what makes you happy and in the end that is what truly matters.

    • Thanks for your comment, Thomas! You’ve helped me re-think my blog and what i want it to be. It’s my space, I can do whatever I want 🙂 I think most bloggers are workaholics, so learning to say ‘no’ is important!

  10. I am so glad you wrote this post. I struggle with making choices like this often. Most of the time it does feel like declining a gig, is usually the right choice, but it’s always a toss up. I was hosting trivia for 5 months once 3 nights a week after working a 40 hour work week. My night usually didn’t wind down until 11pm. I was definitely glad when that gig slowed down to once a week. The extra $150 a week was nice and made financial life easier, but having my evenings back is priceless.

    • Going all day from 8am-11pm is exhausting….and that doesn’t include getting ready, eating, etc. Having your evenings back is priceless, congrats!

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