I thought about not writing this post. Who else would know that I cheated on my 30 day no alcohol challenge? Clearly, no one but me! I thought about keeping it to myself and pretending it didn’t happen, but that would be lying, and quite frankly I’m not a very good liar.
I had two drinks tonight. I shouldn’t have, but I did. I am not really mad at myself nor do I regret doing it, I am just sad I couldn’t actually make it to 30 days without a sip of alcohol.
It’s been a day full of ups and downs. It’s no excuse, but it helps give some context. My partner texted me at work:
him: I can’t find my car.
me: WTF? Where did you park? Did you get towed?
Hours later, I find out his car got towed because he parked in a 15 minute limit parking spot. Granted, everyone has parked in that spot for longer than that time, but tonight was our night and our luck ran out! My partner takes responsibility for this….BUT, it turns out, it wasn’t JUST the tow. He got two, count them TWO parking tickets and a tow.
Let’s just flush $300 down the drain. So much for flying to LA and seeing our family over the summer.
It always seems like one step forward, two steps back. In addition, I am nervous about my boyfriend’s upcoming graduation and my future employment. I wonder what our life will be like in a few short months? It seems so unclear, despite our best efforts at elucidating the details.
Aside from the totally sucky, money draining car business, I got two good calls today. I got a call from the local Portland org that I interviewed with last week, stating that they wanted to see me next week! They said I am a top candidate and that they want me to come in and demonstrate my technical skills next week….oh crap, a lot of these are technical skills I don’t have. I told them that my skill level is basic to none, but I have ALL other qualifications (anyone have resources to learn Photoshop, InDesign, and Flash over the weekend 🙂 ). I am so thrilled to have a second interview and to be explicitly called a ‘top candidate’ but I am also scared. I don’t want to blow it. But I am insecure, because I am lacking the technical skills they desire. I also got another call about another job, stating that they were delaying their hiring, but they were recommending me for another position.
It is good to have several pans in the fire….hopefully these pans don’t burn! I really hope I have some good news to share soon. I am worried I am being too negative and depressing lately….in my real life, this is a daily battle, one that has persisted for many years. Depression, anxiety and OCD run in my family and I have inherited my fair share that I am trying to work through. I don’t want to be on medication, I feel over therapy and want to find my own way. Even though I am not proud to write this post, I hope it helps some readers. I am not perfect. I fail. I try and fail. I fail and try. Again.
I get back up again. I think that’s part of the deal with eventually finding success. You get back up again and keep trying, no matter what.
On to 20 more days of being good, staying focused and working through whatever happens.