Weakness Wednesday

I thought about not writing this post. Who else would know that I cheated on my 30 day no alcohol challenge? Clearly, no one but me! I thought about keeping it to myself and pretending it didn’t happen, but that would be lying, and quite frankly I’m not a very good liar.

I had two drinks tonight. I shouldn’t have, but I did. I am not really mad at myself nor do I regret doing it, I am just sad I couldn’t actually make it to 30 days without a sip of alcohol.

It’s been a day full of ups and downs. It’s no excuse, but it helps give some context. My partner texted me at work:

him: I can’t find my car.

me: WTF? Where did you park? Did you get towed?

Hours later, I find out his car got towed because he parked in a 15 minute limit parking spot. Granted, everyone has parked in that spot for longer than that time, but tonight was our night and our luck ran out! My partner takes responsibility for this….BUT, it turns out, it wasn’t JUST the tow. He got two, count them TWO parking tickets and a tow.

Let’s just flush $300 down the drain. So much for flying to LA and seeing our family over the summer.

It always seems like one step forward, two steps back. In addition, I am nervous about my boyfriend’s upcoming graduation and my future employment.  I wonder what our life will be like in a few short months? It seems so unclear, despite our best efforts at elucidating the details.

Aside from the totally sucky, money draining car business, I got two good calls today. I got a call from the local Portland org that I interviewed with last week, stating that they wanted to see me next week! They said I am a top candidate and that they want me to come in and demonstrate my technical skills next week….oh crap, a lot of these are technical skills I don’t have. I told them that my skill level is basic to none, but I have ALL other qualifications (anyone have resources to learn Photoshop, InDesign, and Flash over the weekend 🙂 ). I am so thrilled to have a second interview and to be explicitly called a ‘top candidate’ but I am also scared. I don’t want to blow it. But I am insecure, because I am lacking the technical skills they desire. I also got another call about another job, stating that they were delaying their hiring, but they were recommending me for another position.

It is good to have several pans in the fire….hopefully these pans don’t burn!  I really hope I have some good news to share soon. I am worried I am being too negative and depressing lately….in my real life, this is a daily battle, one that has persisted for many years. Depression, anxiety and OCD run in my family and I have inherited my fair share that I am trying to work through. I don’t want to be on medication, I feel over therapy and want to find my own way. Even though I am not proud to write this post, I hope it helps some readers. I am not perfect. I fail. I try and fail. I fail and try. Again.

I get back up again. I think that’s part of the deal with eventually finding success. You get back up again and keep trying, no matter what.

On to 20 more days of being good, staying focused and working through whatever happens.

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23 responses to “Weakness Wednesday

  1. Take it from Chumbawamba, “I get knocked, down but I get up again. You’re never gonna keep me down” 🙂 I feel you about the ups and downs. I think the transmission is going on my car so instead of paying off my credit card, it looks like we’re going to have to finance a new/used vehicle. 😦
    Congrats on the job prospects! Lots of free tutorials online. If you don’t actually have access to Photoshop, InDesign or Flash there are a number of free alternatives you can find online (GIMP, Pencil, CreaToon). You could also see if your local library has the Hands On Training (HOT) books of each program and you could get a general understanding. As long as you get a feel for what each of the buttons/functions does, you’ll be able to interchange that information throughout each of the Adobe programs. Good luck!

    • Wow, I haven’t heard that song in ages, lol! Yes, a good motivational song. I plan on checking youtube and learning as much as I can this weekend.

  2. Flash: http://www.adobe.com/devnet/flash/training.html
    Photoshop: http://vandelaydesign.com/blog/design/learn-photoshop-basics/

    Those could help you get a jump start toward a new skill, but you probably will only need to know the basics if you’re doing a practical application portion of an interview. They may want to see if you are tech-savvy at all, because if you have a degree, you obviously have focus and can learn. Most training is done OTJ these days I can’t think of too many jobs that expect you to be a master for an entry level position.

    Shitty that you weren’t able to maintain your goal, but good on you for staying true to yourself. Honesty takes courage. I think you’ll be able to finish out the month a lot easier, since you know what it feels like to slip up now.

    • Honesty does take courage, because think about how easy it is to lie. Especially on the internet. I couldn’t have any of that. Interestingly enough, the 20 more days don’t seem so daunting anymore. You are right, now that I’ve slipped up, I know how stupid it feels and am more motivated.

      Also, thanks SO MUCH for the tutorials.I’ll check them out. I really need/want this job and I’ve clearly impressed them with everything else, so I hope I can just pass this part and get the job.

  3. I can totally relate with what you are going through. I have written on my blog before about the anxieties and things I have gone through on an almost daily basis and it can be quite tough. I hope everything works out with the interview. If you ever need someone to talk to who can relate, send me an email.

  4. It is easy to hide failures and mistakes online and only talk about successes. But I’ve learned the hard way that the only way to grow and learn from failing is if you admit that you did.

    My roommate in college told his spring formal date to park in this one spot behind the dorm that people are always parking at, even though there is a sign saying “no parking any time.” They got back and her car was towed. He didn’t get a second date!

    • Right? Sometimes I wish I could just be one of those bloggers that always spews success and positivity. But it’s just not me. That’s hilarious about your college roommate! I wouldn’t call him for a 2nd date either!

  5. We’re human, none of us is infallible, so don’t be so hard on yourself. That’s awesome about the two job prospects – study up this weekend, and just walk in there confidently next week. Best wishes and I will send positive vibes your way!! 🙂

  6. Don’t stress out about the skills you don’t have. Focus on what you DO have. I have been involved in hiring and a lot of times we have hired people who we clicked with and seemed “trainable” Don’t highlight what you don’t have. Highlight your strengths.

    • That’s great to hear! I think we clicked on so many personal and professional levels! I just spoke with them and they said it will be pretty informal and that they will go over things with me. I am going to be calm, confident, highlight my strengths and hope for the best 🙂

  7. I think it’s great that you shared that you didn’t quite make the challenge. How many days were you alcohol free? Just dust yourself off and try again (I’m thinking of the Aaliyah song) if the challenge of going without alcohol for 30 days really matters to you 🙂 As for you feeling insecure, have faith in the fact that the potential employer already sees potential in you and channel that in your second interview. Good luck!

    • I love that song by Aaliyah! So good. I went a whopping 9.5 days and then gave in to temptation in the last few hours of what would have been day 10. But after that flub, I still have 20 days in the month! Somehow, it’s feeling easier to do 20 more days now that I’ve messed up and am more motivated. I am feeling more confident that everything with this employer match is just dandy and that i need to just go in there and show them that I can learn/do/be everything they need and that overall how well we click (which is very well!) is the most important.

  8. “I am not perfect. I fail. I try and fail. I fail and try. Again.” This could be the song anthem to my life lol. I appreciate that you share the good and the bad in your life. That’s one of the main reasons I feel I can relate to you so easily. Well that, and the student loan debt thingy. But that debt thingy is annoying so let’s not talk about it. 😛

  9. sorry about the ticket! I only had one for parking, just the time to go to a McD and have a quick lunch, talk about a cheap eat, we could have gone to the best restaurant and valet for the price of the ticket…
    Too bad you didn’t make your goal, and thank you for the honesty. It is all in your honor.

  10. My financial rock bottom was getting my car towed, and like your partner, I also got a parking ticket on top of that. http://budgetandthebeach.com/2013/02/18/budgeters-anonymous/
    As far as the no drinking challenge, the good news is you can start it…and start over if you want to whenever you feel like it. If at first you don’t succeed, try again. It took me YEARS to consistently keep a budget. Good luck with the job interview. I know what you mean as well about fighting family history. I feel like I fight anxiety and worry, but I don’t want to take meds either.

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